Counselling

On Counselling

There is often an assumption that counselling is an area specially reserved for those in welfare, social work, psychiatry and others trained in the profession". Lets dispel this myth.

Much of counselling involves listening, responding, clarifying, answering queries and questions, giving information, and other social skills which we have been doing for a very long time - and doing very well. The key point is that we can and do counsel every day in many different ways. It is no prerogative of the special few.

Also, we all possess a natural ability to counsel well. As young people we did not have to be taught to listen to others, to collaborate to sort out a problem or to genuinely support someone who was in distress of some kind. Our response was spontaneous and helpful, stemming from a genuine and delighted interest in other people and their well being.

So if we assume that we can all counsel very well, it is only our own issues and concerns that prevent us fully listening to someone else, and this can be remedied.

Let us define counselling as enabling someone to live, and therefore work to the fullest extent of his or her ability.

As counsellor, we are acting as a catalyst to enable a session to confront those issues which are blocking the realisation of her or his potential, through genuine support, communicated respect, and a mutual commitment to make things absolutely right in his or her life.

If we make this assumption, what does a counsellor need to do? Basically to listen well. To listen actively with mind and body with the knowledge that the client knows the best solution to the issue and our role is to enable that solution to emerge.

On Listening

An active listener:

Pays full attention to the other person without criticism or judgement.
For example by leaving out own opinions and expressions both verbal and facial.
Shows empathy through facial expressions of interest.
For example by smiling, , nodding, eye contact, responding spontaneously
Thus understanding, acceptance, delight, expectation
Shows a posture of involvement
For example, by appearing open, leaning slightly forward, no formal barriers (desk, table).
Asks appropriate and timely Questions.
Questions are a way of eliciting more information from a client, and exploring the process further. Basically, they fall into two distinct camps: - OPEN and CLOSED. (see section on Asking Questions)
Summarises
Another useful skill to include in an interview or counselling session is summarising, not simply at the end to check on agreements and action, but at appropriate points within the session. Summarising again helps both listener and client to check understanding and to reinforce that active listening has taken place. e.g.
- "Let me check what I think you’ve said so far ....."
- "If I’ve heard you correctly, what you’ve said so far is"
- "So to sum up, what we’ve agreed is ....."
Reflects
An often under-used technique and yet such a useful one. Much like the allusion to a mirror reflecting means picking up the essence of what the client has said and putting it back to him or her in a short phrase or sentence of your own, this checks that you understand one another and that you the listener, are accurately hearing what the client has said. For example:-

Client: ‘The last few months have been awful. I was so disappointed after my Annual Appraisal when I hadn’t been put up for promotion, and then my daughter had a distressing time with her fiancée which affected the whole family and then to top it all my mother-in-law was rushed into hospital for major surgery and we’ve still not decided whose going to look after her when she comes out.’
Manager: ‘It sounds like you’ve had a distressing time both at work and home?’

Reflecting is a very simple yet powerful techniques which puts back to the client something and both the words and the feelings behind what has been said, and like garlic, a few words or a phrase of reflection can go a long way!

Phrases such as:- ‘it seems that .....‘it sounds like ‘so you feel that ....?‘ ‘so you think that ....?‘ can help to preface a reflective comment.

And you can’t go wrong by reflecting, for your client will either respond with something like a ‘yes, that’s right .....‘ and go on, or will say something like, ‘well no, actually what I meant was .....‘ and will right it for you, so either way you both win.
Checks Understanding
This is another important and useful technique to bring in intermittently to the listening process, particularly in the early stages and where there is a lot of information coming from the client.
Do not be afraid to intervene even though you may feel that you will be breaking the client’s flow. For as long as you are wondering what the earlier point was and are wanting to check on what has been said, your attention will not be with the client. Also, the intervention will probably feel much more awkward to you the listener, than it will appear to the client.

Phrases such as:- ‘so what you are saying is .....?‘ can help here to fully convey that you have been listening to the client and have accurately heard what they have said, it is worth reflecting and checking understanding two or three times before asking a question, which by its very nature focuses the interview or counselling session in a particular direction.
Encourages
For example, by using facial expressions and verbal triggers, e.g. "that sounds interesting, can you say some more about that?"
Uses silences well
For example, by not filling the space and so allows the client to do so.

The Counselling Process

So if this is what an active listener does, the counselling process could look like this:-

Begin with something good or new; a recent success, what they are most pleased with over the past year’s performance, etc. This helps to anchor the reality that there are good things going on in a persons life, and provides a springboard for looking at.
The central issue(s) that needs to be confronted which is blocking the person’s performance.
At the end of a session, bring the person back into present time so that they are not leaving the room still in session. On the whole, the deeper the material addressed in b, the longer the time needed in c.

Questions such as:-

What are they going to do now - as a result of this session/when they leave the room?
What are they looking forward to?
What one (small) activity are they going to do to make headway towards achieving their goal(s)?

The logical extension of listening to someone else is that to do this well means being listened to ourselves, the reasoning being that it is difficult to give our full attention to someone else, whose material can trigger thought and comments about our own experience

Most of us have a preference for one role or the other but particularly in both is central to mutual wellbeing. Try this simple exercise with a friend or colleague. Take just three minutes each — one to speak about anything that’s important to them at that moment, and the other person to listen well.

Swap the roles after three minutes and repeat the process, and after six minutes talk about the process — what it was like being listened to and what it was like doing the listening. Avoid returning to the content, i.e. what you were talking about, and focus instead on the process, i.e. how you were listening.

This very simple technique can be used in many occasions and with a many different people. Watch what happens to both you and to others when a person is given a few minutes of undivided time, attention, delight and interest.

Open

OPEN QUESTIONS elicit much information and the client can choose how they respond e.g.

‘WHAT do you like about your current job?"

‘HOW did you decide to choose this particular career?"

"WHERE do you see yourself in five years’ time?" ‘WHEN do you think you will be ready for promotion?’

"WHO do you most enjoy working with?"

ENCOURAGING questions e.g. ‘That sounds interesting - can you say a bit more about that?’

LINKING questions also reinforce that active listening has taken place e.g. "Earlier you mentioned x, can you tell me a bit more about that?’

HYPOTHETICAL questions can be very useful for breaking free of structure and concrete directions can often emerge from the fantasy,
e.g.' If you had a completely free choice of career what would you most like to do?’ ‘Without any restrictions at all, where would you like to see yourself in your career in say five years’ time?"

CLARIFYING questions can expand and probe a previous one, e.g. ‘When you say it was difficult, in what ways was it so?"

Closed

CLOSED QUESTIONS elicit a yes/no or more limited response, and as such can be of limited value where an open question would be more useful e.g.

‘IS your job challenging enough for you?’

‘DO you want to stay in the Department?"

- the answer is a simple yes or no.

DIRECT questions can have a limited response, but be useful for facts e.g. ‘How many ‘O’ levels! CSE’s do you have?’ ‘Who do you report to in your current job?’

MULTIPLE questions are when two or three questions are asked simultaneously e.g. ‘What made you decide to be a typist? Was it friends at school or did you think you’d be able to find a job?’

It’s simpler to stay with the first question as faced with a multiple question the client will tend to respond to the last one only.

Similarly with FIXED-CHOICE questions, the client is limited to responding to one of two alternatives, neither of which may be appropriate, e.g. ‘After you’ve had the baby, will you employ a nanny or take it to a child minder?’

LEADING questions are to be avoided wherever possible - since the answer is implicit in the way the question is asked and no further fruitful information can be gleaned, e.g. ‘Your manager wouldn’t have said that on purpose would he?’